"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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