it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
