3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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