actually, I'm a sock model
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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