It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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