Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
