me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
