last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just had sex on a roof
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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