I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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