Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
