If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
