apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I am naked and annoyed.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
