hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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