did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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