My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
