Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
