So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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