i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
