I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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