So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
