Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
