Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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