if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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