Kiss
Puke
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Randomize
