The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
