I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize