Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
