I think I died a long time ago.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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