Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
