Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
