This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
