Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I puked a lego.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
