In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
