It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
