dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I would fuck him just for his dog
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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