did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
