i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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