I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
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