When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
