At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
where are my eyebrows?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
