I'm going to jail i love you
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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