Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
