she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize