So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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