On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
