I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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