I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Alive.
So much puke
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
