he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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