Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
They took my balls.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
