So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
