dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
