I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
