Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
