part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
