well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
