if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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