The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
