ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
