if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
