i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just cropdusted the office
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
