Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
