We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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