Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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