Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
