what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
