I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
