Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Terrible idea I love it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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